When behavior provides clear answers

DISCERNMENT ...

Words reassure, seduce and promise.

Yet they do not tell the truth.

Behaviour, on the other hand, does not deceive. It is the most reliable indicator of a person's true intentions, values and priorities.

In moments of doubt, when something does not sound right or does not resonate with you, it is often enough to observe.

Not what is said, but what is done.

What is repeated.

What is avoided.

Behaviour speaks without words, without staging. It reveals what is really important, even when we try to hide it.

We have a natural tendency to give words the benefit of the doubt. We look for nuances, excuses, contexts.

Actions, on the other hand, are more direct.

A regular presence, constant attention, sustained effort over time speak for themselves.

Conversely, inaction is also a response, even when it hurts.

Observing behaviour requires a certain lucidity. It forces us to give up the stories we tell ourselves to reassure ourselves.

But this lucidity also brings a kind of peace: it clarifies relationships, simplifies decisions and prevents us from clinging to promises that will never be fulfilled.

This rule also applies to ourselves. Our daily choices, habits and reactions reveal what we really place at the centre of our lives. They show what we protect, what we flee from and what we are willing to change — or not.

Behaviour provides clear answers because it is rooted in reality. It does not seek to convince. It shows. And very often... it says everything there is to know.

THE SELF INTERESTED...

Sometimes a very simple example is enough to understand:

Someone violently criticises another person.

The words are harsh, definitive, sometimes even humiliating and vulgar. They draw a clear, almost irreversible line. One might think that the position is clear, that the bond is broken, that the values invoked are profound.

Then the context changes...

An interest appears.

A need.

An opportunity.

And that same person returns. The tone softens, the reproaches disappear, the justifications multiply, claiming to have been influenced by a third party...

This reversal raises questions, but above all it provides a very clear answer: the criticism was not a matter of principle, but of circumstance.

It is not the new words that shed light on the situation, but the consistency — or lack thereof — between past and present actions. The behaviour here reveals that personal interest outweighs professed convictions. Not because the person admits it, but because they act accordingly.

This type of situation is disturbing because it highlights a truth that we would sometimes prefer to ignore: some relationships are not guided by respect or sincerity, but by the usefulness of the moment. And this is never more clearly seen than in repeated behaviour.

Observing this allows us to stop getting lost in explanations. The return is not a gesture of reconciliation, but a calculation. Once again, behaviour does not lie. It reveals what really motivates people, far beyond what is said.

THE FAWNING...

After this kind of experience, we learn to look at things differently. Certain behaviours, seemingly harmless or warm, take on a different meaning. It is not a question of mistrusting everything, but of being attentive to what sounds false.

For example, there are those people who are excessively sweet. Always kind. Always flattering. They call everyone darling, beautiful, sweetheart, cutie. The words flow easily, without distinction, without restraint. At first, it gives the impression of great gentleness, a warm and loving heart... But this constant warmth eventually loses its meaning.

When affection is distributed to everyone, it loses its meaning... It becomes a tool, a way to seduce, to obtain, to soften exchanges. It is not tenderness, it is a strategy. Here again, behaviour provides a clear answer: what is offered indiscriminately is often not deeply sincere.

There is also the inconsistency between words and boundaries.

These people talk about love, respect and kindness, but disappear as soon as boundaries are set, as soon as you say no, as soon as you are no longer useful to them. Their gentleness then quickly crumbles, giving way to sudden coldness, brutal indifference and sometimes even threats and insults. They try to convince others that we are the problem...

When in fact we have simply opened our eyes and observed their behaviour, trusting in frequency rather than listening to words...

These are subtle but powerful signals. They don't shout. They repeat themselves. And it is in this repetition that behaviour is revealed. True consideration can be recognised by its consistency, its ability to respect others without the need for flattery or exaggeration.

Learning to be wary of these excesses does not mean becoming hard or closed off. It simply means choosing to believe what we observe rather than what we would like to hear. Behaviour, once again, does not lie. It reveals intentions long before words betray them.

THE VICTIM...

There are also those who always portray themselves as victims. In every story, they have been hurt, betrayed, misunderstood. The responsibility lies elsewhere; it is never their fault.

At first, this arouses compassion. We listen, we excuse, we understand. Then we notice that the scenario repeats itself, with different people, but an identical version of events.

This behaviour is not insignificant. It allows them to avoid questioning themselves and to get attention without ever having to confront their own actions. Again, it is not the stories that matter, but their consistency. When someone is always the victim, we have to ask ourselves what role they really play in what happens to them.

THE SMOOTH TALKERS...

There are also those who promise a lot, but always later. The intentions are good, the projects inspiring, the words well chosen. Yet nothing ever materialises. Every delay has an explanation, every absence an excuse. Time passes, and waiting becomes a habit imposed on the other person.

This behaviour creates a vague form of attachment, suspended on words that are never fulfilled. It maintains hope without ever honouring it. And hope, when manipulated, becomes a silent fatigue.

Finally, there are people whose kindness is conditional. They are present if everything goes their way. As soon as a contradiction arises, the tone changes. Gentleness turns into distance, sometimes into contempt. This contrast is revealing what seemed to be kindness was only comfort.

These behaviours are not always spectacular. They set in slowly, almost imperceptibly, insidiously. That is why it is essential to look at what is repeated, not what is exceptional. Isolated gestures can be misleading. Habits never are.

Through observation, a form of clarity emerges. It does not protect against everything, but it does prevent us from getting lost in unbalanced relationships. Behaviour continues to respond, with honesty that is sometimes brutal, but always valuable.

Sometimes a person is all these things at once...

THE SINCERE...

Conversely, there are behaviours that immediately soothe, even without grand speeches. Those of a sincere person. They do not need to overdo it. Their presence is simple, readable, consistent over time.

A sincere person does not use words randomly. When they say ‘my darling’ or ‘my friend’, it carries weight, because it is addressed to someone, not to everyone. Their affection is neither intrusive nor strategic. They respect distances, silences and rhythms. They do not impose anything.

Their actions confirm their words. If they make a promise, they try to keep it. If they cannot, they say so clearly, without beating about the bush or making excessive excuses. There is no deliberate ambiguity, no artificial hope. Their consistency is what is most reassuring. Above all, they are honest and do not hide the truth.

A sincere person accepts responsibility for their actions. They can acknowledge a mistake without immediately defending themselves. They do not need to play the victim in order to exist. This ability to question themselves creates a rare space of trust, where the other person does not have to be constantly wary.

They are present even when they have nothing to gain. Not always, not perfectly, but without apparent calculation. Their way of being does not change according to circumstances or the interests of the moment. It is in this stability that sincerity is recognised.

Finally, a sincere person respects boundaries. They do not take offence when someone says no. They do not disappear when the other person asserts themselves. On the contrary, they adjust their place. This behaviour, discreet but solid, is perhaps the clearest sign of genuine intention.

Because, ultimately, sincerity is not proclaimed. It is lived.

And as always, it is behaviour that makes it visible.